I thought I’d get something off my chest. Something near and dear to me that I deal with every day.

Spam.

I am surrounded by it, crushed under it, and drowning in the noise of it. To say I am sick of it would be a severe underestimation. To that end, I’d like to share some statistics with you that I’ve collected about my experience with spam.

At my day job, every third call I answer – the phone rings about every 4-5 minutes – is an automated spam call. About every hour, we receive a Human solicitation, either over the phone or by someone walking in.

I get about 10 spam emails a day in my personal inbox, 1 or 2 a week in my writing email addresses, and even a spam call every 3-5 days on my cellphone. Oh, and I also get – on the low end – 1 to 2 spam comments on this website every day, leading to a 96% Spam rating by Akismet.

96% spam comments on this website.

About every 7-10 days at work, I pick up the phone and am treated to an air horn from a naval vessel as an intro to an automated call. About every 3-5 hours, we have a spam fax come over from supposed – foreign, of course – companies wanting to buy our business or offer us trips to Hawaii at a “low rate”.

I am sick of it.

No, I don’t want to change our office supplies provider. No, I don’t want to save on international freight. No, I don’t want to invest money into a Nigerian prince’s wire transferring fund. I don’t want cheap NFL jerseys, Viagra, or a counterfeit Rolex.

Someone legit wants to talk? Sure, I’ll gladly take the time to talk with them. Someone wants to drop me an email? I’ll definitely take the time to read and reply. You want to leave a comment here on the website? Please do, it gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

Just don’t offer to sell me cheap Ugg boots or tell me that there are plenty of slutty singles in my area. If you do that, I’ll gladly raise my percentage to 97%.